Kuidas ma ühelt makaroonlaselt suhu sain

Olin ühest toredast foorumist (WAF) järjekordset välipudelit ostmas, müüja oli lahke italiano, kes mulle väikse ale tegi. Panin papi teele ja jäin oma pudelit ootama. Kuna ooteaeg kippus kole pikaks venima, mõtlesin spagetipoisilt järele küsida, kas on ikka papi kätte saanud ja pudelikese postitanud. Üllatus-üllatus, selleks ajaks oli tüüp nimetatud foorumist kinga saanud ja teadet talle jätta ei õnnestunudki. Õnneks saab sealses foorumis ka meile saata, mida korduvalt ka tegin. Vastust neile muidugi ei saabunud. Eile õhtul, olles ammutanud eelnevalt viinapudelist inspiratsiooni, saatsin pizzanäole sellise kirja:

"I'm not sure what you're about with our deal, but my patience is about to end right here. As you're not answering to my messages and e-mails and for some reason you've been expelled from WAF, I from now on consider you as a fraud and a thief. But I must admit, that you're messing with wrong guy this time. As I'm having very close contacts with Interpol, I was tracing you and now got your IP-address. I also sent a official note to your post office for your ID. So there's the thing: if you're not answering me in coming week, I'll hand it over to my collagues in Italy. I still hope that you prove me I was wrong!"

Vahepeal rääkisn oma loo hoiatava eksamplina ühes teises foorumis, mille moderaator, kes sama ameti peal ka WAF-is, mulle sellise teate saatis:

"Italian con man on WAF

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I banned the guy on WAF. He was expelled before due to dishonesty. His name then was Manny. He came back under a false name after about two years. I only just found out him last week and I expelled him again. I am sorry you got taken."

 

Kuna mu eilne kiri totokutuunjole oli täis rämedaid valesid ja ähvardusi, lootsin, et ehk väärakas lööb vedelaks. Hommikul kiikasin postkasti ja voila!, ahv oli koguni kolm korda mulle vastanud, sisuks kõigil sõim. Üks oli väga lühike, aga kaks põhjalikumat olid need:

"Listen,RUSSKI...no money no canteen!If you think I'm impressed by your childish email then think again!I don't give a rat about you and the WAF!As soon as what you've sent will arrive it'll be sent back to you to the land of the red,slavish ordes!Now don't bother writing back because your messae,emails and anything else are directed straigyt to the spam basket!
Dosvidania!
P.S.;I'm trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrembling!"

ja

"Don't you dare threatening me anymore,period!Now...since in a way I can understand your feelings (I've got my money out there too!) I'll pretend you're a pissed off baby,you'll get your fucking canteen or your fucking money back as soon as the latter will surface here;think twice before calling people names and make sure that the tovarishes at your PO haven't picked the money and destroied the envelope first!

I'll tell you again and I won't tell you again....Mengele;don't write back or send messages anymore...as soon as what you've said you've sent will be here then I'll decide what to send...either your stupid money back or my canteen,depending on how I feel at the moment!
Ciao"

Vaat nõnda! Vana hea "mine munni, ma pole mingit raha saanud!" toimib endiselt.